Building Trust in the Trenches
Today’s story in Stars and Stripes is yet another illustration of why overturning “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” would be a virtual non-event in the U.S. armed forces.
An anonymous gay officer (“William”) says that more qualified service members would join the military and re-enlist if DADT got the boot:
“[A repeal] would make a sincere difference to those considering re-enlisting." William said, noting that many gay servicemembers find it difficult to maintain long-lasting relationships while in the military. "There’s a very strong argument to get out of the military to pursue that.”
“John,” an anonymous gay Army officer, says that ending DADT would build trust among colleagues and create a more cohesive, effective team:
“I was forced to keep it from my teammates [in Iraq], and I honestly believe that it drove a wedge between us," John said. "I couldn’t be completely open about who I was, even though they seemed to be completely open about themselves. So I’m more convinced than ever that ['don’t ask, don’t tell'] is more of a hindrance to team-building than having openly gay people in the military.”
We’ve seen some of the strongest militaries in the world – including Great Britain and Israel – allow open service without incident. It is long past time to treat our own service members with the respect they deserve as professionals.
11-17-09 By Paul DeMiglio, Senior Communications Manager |
11 Comments
Comments for this entry are closed.Brent in Texas on November 21, 2009 at 07.07 pm
This is strange, so go with me. I agree with Martin sort of. I too believe that it shouldn’t matter straight or gay. I served 9 years active duty and I can tell you that I never once voluntarily brought it up. I went to work and stayed professional and left my personal life at the gate. However, don’t underestimate people, they know. So, it was other people that would ask me. Ya that’s illegal, but these are very close friends that you spend months at a time with overseas with no one else to talk to. So, after a while they feel comfortable to ask. I never told them ‘no’, because I would not lie. I only told them that subject was illegal and to move on to something else. Basically I told them, without saying it. Point is, how can my co-worker tell me all about his wife and kids, but I can’t be proud of my partner and tell it?? That was when it became sad to me. So, a second promotion and I brought my partner and when the speaker said “all significant others please stand to be recognized” I told him to stand for my table. My commander commended me for that bravery (in private of course). You can’t hide sexuality no matter what so that is just out of the question. I agree that it shouldn’t matter either way, but that just wouldn’t work.
Andrew on November 19, 2009 at 02.16 pm
I’m a pagan. That bothers others in the military more than homosexuals. If I can still enlist…
Rich on November 18, 2009 at 01.00 pm
Martin in DC: If you really want to keep your personal life and your work life separate, you are advocating a wholesale change in the military culture. No more spouses meeting Sailors on the pier after long deployments. No more family support groups. No more career couseling for military spouses involved in cross-country moves. No more pay incentives for those with dependents. No more military balls where guests can bring dates. The list goes on and on.
These are all examples of how the military involves families as part of its total equation. Military leadership regularly promotes the “military family.” Unfortunately, that military family does not include 65,000 gay and lesbian servicemembers who are required to deny their loved ones even exist.
Benjamin on November 18, 2009 at 12.30 pm
So why not just have the people finally insist on removing the ban!? It is long over due.
Martin in DC on November 18, 2009 at 09.38 am
See. Once again I disagree. I don’t want you in my personal business…. I don’t want you to know who I am involved with… In my experiences there has never been anything negeative about me telling or not telling someone I am gay-
I don’t need to tell my comrades or subordinates I am gay to lead and support my command. But I don’t need to hide it either.
My personal view- Homosexuality has no place in the military- niether dose Heterosexuality
Keep your personal life personal and work life your work life!
Chris in Fort Worth, TX on November 18, 2009 at 09.12 am
First off, John and Lance Thank You for your service. I served before DADT and worked with a gay SMSGt and Ist Lt. and it was no big deal. I have regulary did my own private surveys of active off duty military and their feelings on the subject and one TSGT told me that “The military just needs to catch up to the rest of society”. So Rich your comments are well taken.
Rich on November 18, 2009 at 07.02 am
The longer repeal of DADT is delayed, the less likely the coming out of gay and lesbian servicemembers will be a “non-event.” To be sure, not every gay and lesbian servicemember will come out on the day DADT is repealed. However, the norms of broader society are changing rapidly and it’s no longer socially acceptable to be closeted in most metropolitan areas. I think there is wishful thinking among the military leadership that even after DADT is repealed the bulk of their troops will remain closeted and unseen. These leaders are completely out of touch with American society after living their lives cloistered away on military detachments for several decades. I expect the repeal of DADT will be a significant event as thousands of gay and lesbian servicemembers rapidly try to catch up with a broader society that is so much further ahead of the military at this point in history.
Lance on November 17, 2009 at 11.55 pm
Screw this stupid long outdated policy. I am going to pretty much just live my life the way I want and if they decide to kick me out if they find out, than so be it, their loss.
John Deved on November 17, 2009 at 11.00 pm
I just left the military because I was tired of hiding that I was gay. I use to check this site every day and would fantasize about the day that I could be judged for who I really was, good or bad. I loved it sometimes, the long hours and the overbearing responsibility, it made me feel like I was making a true difference, and now comparably my life is much easier and I am financially stronger, but that does not allow me to forget the great times I had. Being gay was an issue, but I think the biggest issue was being a liar. I can handle being called a fagot, what I can’t handle is a person who might come to me for leadership advice will only get a book definition, because in my heart I failed as a leader, I failed to do the hard right over the easy wrong. My discharge says honorable, but I do wonder if the context of the word has changed to me from before to after I served. Thank you SLDN for being far braver then me.
Inspired2b in Virginia on November 17, 2009 at 09.06 pm
Mark, I understand your point but I think what Paul was getting at is that it will not be as big a deal as people make it out to be. Yes, there will be some straight soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines that will take issue with this and probably take issue right now with the fact that there are gays serving in the military. But, it’s people like Elaine Donnelly that makes it appears that a significant amount of military personal will freak out - which we believe might not be the case. In addition, as this officer states - even if DADT is repealed he will not change anything and will not come out. Again, I believe Paul is saying that based on evidence from our foreign counterparts, there were not significant incidence and the same is believed here at home.
Lastly, I believe, as the officer indicated about himself, that when DADT is repealed, there will be many who will not even come out, again making this an non-event.
If you listen to these two of soldiers who is making the case for repeal, you will see that it really is not that big of a deal and I only am lead to believe that this is true for a lot of military servicemembers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2TRyA7FsmI (Steve Vossler) and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oppI4TZftao (Genevieve Chase)
Mark in NY on November 17, 2009 at 07.20 pm
I think calling it a “virtual non-event” is an arrogant presumption. I know lots of straight military members who would be bothered by it.
While I disagree with them about the impact on the military, unit cohesion, and so forth I think calling it a “virtual non-event” is a form of hate as we are not counting their feelings/beliefs as being legitmate.
The way to the hearts and minds of the members of the military is not to tell them their feelings don’t matter. That is exactly what those in charge do to us when they tell us to be silent about who and what we are.