Holidays Show Double Standard of DADT
The holiday season heralds a spirit of celebration and goodwill to those who have the support of family and friends. Although stress and separation from loved ones is a part of life for most service members, LGBT patriots often experience a greater sense of loneliness during the holidays. Throughout my seven years of service in the United States Air Force, these are feelings I faced around this time of year.
Time away from family and friends is always difficult. Some holidays I celebrated with other LGBT military members. Other times I was not so lucky and celebrated alone.
My coworkers were very caring and would always invite me to be a part of their family celebrations. I appreciated these invites but also resented them. Most of the invites I received were based on the understanding that I was a "single" Airman who would spend the holiday alone. Many times I was in a relationship and had to pretend I was not. It was difficult to explain to my straight counterparts that I already had plans...at which point I feared the question, "What are your plans?"
Now that I am an openly gay Department of Defense contractor, I can spend the holidays with my true extended family. Recently I was invited by coworkers to celebrate the holidays with them. They even said I could bring my boyfriend (they assumed I had one) if I wanted. I was able to tell them that I am single and planning to ring in the season with other LGBT military personnel who are away from their families.
This honest exchange of words was the most liberating and joyous conversation I have been privileged to experience. I hope my fellow LGBT military friends will be able to have the same open and honest dialogue with their colleagues next year without fear of losing their careers.
12-22-09 By Tony Loverde, former U.S. Air Force Staff Sergeant |
6 Comments
Comments for this entry are closed.Anthony Loverde in Road Trip Across USA on December 31, 2009 at 06.39 am
Dino, you are correct. All my co-workers are prior military. To be more specific, my boss was a prior military supervisor of mine along with three others I had worked with as a military member and now as a contractor. In the mix of my work group is a prior Marine, Sailor, (2) Soldiers and (4) Airmen; all know I am gay and have no problem with it. The also think DADT is a horrible law.
I contracted in Afghanistan and Iraq as well before returning to the states…experienced the same living conditions as when I was prior military on deployments. (-Tony)
Dino in Washington, DC on December 30, 2009 at 07.42 am
Thank you for your post Tony. I assume that many of your coworkers are also former military as many Defense Contractors are. I also know that some DOD Contractors live under conditions that are almost like being in the service such as minimal privacy and regimented routines. I also work with many Veterans, to whom I am out, and none of them appear to care. Just one more chink in the armor of DADT.
Martin in Columbia on December 25, 2009 at 02.10 pm
DADT will be an active law next year…... Don’t live in fear!!
It seems so silly to fear discharge when in an active war zone….. Trust me… Tell them you love them!
You can find another position, but you can’t always have the chance to say I love you again.
The military dose offer some sympothy to service members…. Would you tell your brother or father you love them?
Would you hug your brother infront of a Drill Sargent or in front of a C.O.?
You will be okay!
Joe in Defense Language Institute on December 23, 2009 at 05.29 pm
I’m about to come up on a choice of reenlisting to gain retainability for my next assignment or else separate. I wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me if DADT will still be in place this time next year. I don’t like not being able to speak up when I hear people make gay jokes or say “faggot” or tell me that two girls kissing on t.v. is okay b/c it’s hot, but two guys should never kiss on t.v. I am very professional and don’t give off gay signals or whatever you call it. But still, not ever showing up with a girl to anything is very telling. Our lives are tightly bound to our work and those we work with. It really is impossible to keep up the farce without using lies and deception. Which is directly counterpoint to the virtues we are taught to incorporate in our daily lives. I am going to dare to hope and reenlist, but if Obama doesn’t follow through on his word I am going to have to play the gay card, even though I am loathe to do it. I’ve found something I am very good at, and be proud that I am using it to serve my country, let’s hope my country can find the decency to be proud to have me.
Chris Savage in Seattle on December 23, 2009 at 02.30 pm
They don’t “ask” and I don’t “tell” but I sure as hell don’t pretend to be something I’m not. Everybody I work with, and around, “know” me and many know my significant other (roommate) as well without me having to tell. I “tell” without actually telling. I want them to know that I am not ashamed and that I respect who I am and that I conduct myself under this rediculous policy as it is stated just the same because I have to for employment and as a mockery this policy. My sexual orientation has played no role in my 16 year (so far) career other than being a bigots dark cloud to hang over my head. Unpleasant and stressfull to say the very least.
Mike Gorman in Stockton, Ca on December 22, 2009 at 11.23 pm
I want this to end! No more hiding, no more having to make up excuses, no more having to be someone I’m not! Anyone active duty that comes to this site, do something that forces the higher-ups to question a bullshit!