Frontlines: The Latest from OutServe-SLDN

Home for the Holidays

For many Americans, the holiday season is an opportunity to reunite with one another and make merry. Yet, for gay military personnel the holidays often bring with them heightened awareness of the costs they pay serving under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." In a recent article, reporter Jennifer Vanasco interviews current and former gay service members and examines the extraordinary precautions, and cruel limitations, that patriotic gay Americans must endure in order to serve their country. "The holidays bring up memories, expectations," says therapist Trey Malicoat. "There are more parties, more activities, there's a financial drain. For gay soldiers, there's the added burden of not being able to talk about home, about where he or she would like to be, about the person who has the most significance in his or her life." These issues are not limited to personnel serving abroad. Elizabeth, an Army officer who last year married her partner in Massachusetts, tells Vanasco about the constraints she has experienced while stationed stateside. "At lunch, people are talking about what presents they're going to buy their wife or girlfriend – I'm part of the group but I can't be part of the discussion," says Elizabeth. "It's very difficult to abide by the policy and not talk about what's really going on in your life and at the same time try to connect with your fellow service members." Problems can be even more acute for service members stationed abroad. Retired Naval Cheif, Lee Quillian relates an experience she had while serving on a ship in the Middle East during the holidays. "All the other sailors were going to a special room to film video messages to their sweethearts. But not Quillian. She didn't record a message. She couldn't. Because her partner is a woman," writes Vanasco. Service members are not the only ones affected by the policy, families and loved ones back home also suffer. As this article shows, heterosexual families receive many benefits which are unavailable to same-sex families because of the ban on open service. "The military has an excellent support system for family members left behind that includes counseling, a newsletter updating families on unit activities, and support groups and networks. But gay partners of service members can't take advantage of any of that. If they do, they risk outing their partner – who under the policy will then lose their job," writes Vanasco. SLDN has long been a leader in advocating for the rights of same-sex military families and recently contributed an article on this emerging area of the law to the Duke Journal of Gender Law and Policy. In the article, SLDN highlights the stories of three service members and their families, drawing attention to the issues same-sex families face because of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” So, as many of us gather with our families this holiday season, let us remember that the costs of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" go far beyond dollars spent and troops deployed. This season, let us tally the price of this law in the millions of small happinesses that we continue to deny those who are fighting for our country, simply because of who they are. Happy Holidays. -Victor Maldonado -----

12-19-07