Marking Time Inside the Closet of the Closet
Today we observe Military Spouse Appreciation Day and recognize the sacrifice of all military partners, here and abroad. This blog post is from the partner of a gay service member who must be anonymous because “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) remains the law. Click here to learn more about what you can do to ensure DADT repeal moves forward swiftly so that all patriots –- and their families –- are given the equal respect that is due them.
Because Congress acted and the President signed the DADT repeal bill, the silence of gay service members and their loved ones can soon come to an end, perhaps in a matter of weeks. As service members prepare to stand proudly, side by side in public with their partners and spouses, let’s recommit to ensuring certification happens sooner rather than later.
Below is one of those spouses who shares her thoughts and hopes with us today.
-Paul DeMiglio, SLDN Senior Communications Manager
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As partners of gay and lesbian members of the armed forces, we live every day in the closet of the closet. We endure the silence these circumstances demand, because we love a service member. We are not “out” in the military, the gay community, or society at large, and it's easy to feel defined by our invisibility. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) has maintained an invasive reach since its inception that hurts more lives than just our heroes in uniform.
DADT requires that a gay or lesbian member of the armed forces doesn’t “tell,” but partners like us can’t tell either. Being guarded is second-nature as we live incomplete lives in all three worlds: Closeted to the military community because we are gay, closeted to the gay community because we are military, and closeted to the public at large because we are gay military.
We partners can't risk spillage from an “out” life into our closeted life, so we push away the gay community even as we are never invited through the front gate of the military community. The public at large is denied the opportunity to know we even exist.
First Lady Michelle Obama has launched the “Joining Forces” campaign to redouble efforts to shine a spotlight on the nation’s military families, but so far, that spotlight has cast no light into our closets. Neither Mrs. Obama nor the American public can invite us into their support systems, until DADT repeal is certified and completed. Until then, Americans are not safe to recognize the service of our spouses on the front lines or the lives of their families back home.
When DADT goes away, the greatest benefit we partners will receive is our dignity. We will no longer be invisible. We will proudly tell our co-workers about a pending promotion; we will sit in the front row at a change of command; we will hold a corner of the unit “Welcome Home” banner as the buses roll up to the parade field; we will accept the flowers at a retirement; and we will proudly attach a yellow ribbon to our daughter’s school backpack.
We will come together as a community of military partners who finally know and support one another, no longer marking time inside the closet of the closet.
05-06-11 By Silent Partner |
2 Comments
Comments for this entry are closed.Michael@LeonardMatlovich.com on May 06, 2011 at 09.48 pm
Thank you for your support for your partner, and we thank her for her service. HOWEVER, the assertion that, “Neither Mrs. Obama nor the American public can invite [you] into their support systems, until DADT repeal is certified and completed,” is, with all due respect, nonsense. A group of partners of gay active duty service members met last year with the Pentagon Working Group as the latter prepared the report on their “study,” and there is no reason why members of the same group and/or others couldn’t meet at least privately with Mrs. Obama and others involved with her “Joining Forces” initiative to inform those who GENUINELY care about the special needs of gay military partners that will continue even after “open service” is finally made a reality.
To that point, there would be no NEED for partners to remain secretive until then if the President had AT LEAST issued a freeze order the same day he signed the repeal bill. WHY isn’t SLDN publicly calling for that—the BEST thing you could do for those some 100 gay service members you’ve indicated are STILL pointlessly under investigation?
Levis on May 06, 2011 at 01.24 pm
HOO AH!!, HELL YEAH!! MOTIVATE HELL YEEAH, HOO AH!!....those are my word about it, the burden its greater when u have so much to loose and so much to protect from everyone, protect your country and then protect yourself from ur own people, not never knowing who u can trust..being careful not to be the very best coz they might start guessing that u are gay..we gay of this world are far stronger both physically and mentally, by the time we jump in adulthood we have already endure over a decade of hate, violence without name or banner, ignorance, racism, pain and suffering…for the str8 counterpart that might seen like hell and it is but we endure it none the less and we endure in silence, no one hear our anguish and no one want to, yet we are here and so we come stronger from that…