Mother’s Day
I can still remember the day we brought Darren home from the hospital. Six and a half pounds of pure joy. He was so vulnerable and dependent on my husband and me that I have to laugh when holding that memory up to the image of the young man he has grown into. Today, Darren is a decorated Army medic, a war veteran having deployed, twice, to Iraq. He is also a gay man who served under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
Like every mother whose child grows up to be a soldier, I worry. Will he come home in one piece? Will he come home changed? Will war expose him to things that no person should ever have to see? Every mother knows that their child is so much a part of her very being, our hearts, and we also know that we never quite get by the instinctive feeling of always wanting to protect them. Even when they are very capable grown men and women, this feeling never leaves us. We know we can’t protect them and we shouldn’t – so we worry. And because of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” I have the extra burden of worrying if today is the day that the men and women he has trusted with his life, and who in turn have trusted their lives to him, will kick him out of the military because he is gay?
Darren has been luckier than most, many of his colleagues know that he is gay and do not care. Much of his command structure know that he is gay and recognizes that his sexual orientation has nothing to do with his ability to do this job. But many soldiers are not so lucky, and many mothers whose children grow up to be soldiers are today carrying the weight of the closet along with their gay children.
While Darren’s case is exceptional, it is becoming more and more common. SLDN say that they know of hundreds of gay men and women in uniform who are serving openly despite the law which tells them they must live in the closet. This is not surprising given that we are fighting two wars and need all the talented and qualified men and women we can find to defend our country.
Darren’s father, brothers and I are very proud of him. We know that Darren wants to continue serving his country, but he does not want to continue living a lie. It is a sacrifice that no soldier should be forced to make, and a worry that a mother should have to carry each day.
I have made up my mind that this Mother’s Day, I will stand with my son and speak the truth about what it means to watch your child server your country while serving under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” The law is unfair and unjust, and no American should have to sacrifice their ability to find love and happiness in order to wear the uniform. No Americans should have to sacrifice their true identity, their self-respect and their self confidence to wear the uniform.
This Mother’s Day, join me and SLDN in calling for the repeal of DADT.
-Nancy Mazzella
Labels: DADT, Darren Manzella, don't ask don't tell, mother's day, sldn
-----05-11-08
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