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’Tis the Season to be Silent

For 18 years now “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) has told our LGBT men and women in uniform that they are less than equal to their straight counterparts in the military. DADT diminishes morale, isolates LGBT troops and forces them to lie about who they truly are. As the holiday season approaches I think of our LGBT patriots and how difficult it is to serve in silence, but also to not be able to share and express the merriment and joy of the season with people who are most important to them just because they are gay.

For more than six years I served in the United States Army. In that time, I accepted that I am a gay man and had to live under the scrutiny and paranoia of DADT. I, like tens of thousands of other LGBT service members, had to hide parts of my life from the men and women who became a family to me and who trusted me with their lives.

I spent three Christmas holidays in the Middle East while deployed with the First Cavalry Division. Being away from family, friends and in many cases partners is difficult enough. To have a law tell you that you can serve if you are gay but you cannot disclose the information to anyone can be intolerable. However, the holiday season that celebrates new life and love for all humankind cannot be expressed by all. On my deployments I witnessed gay and lesbian soldiers write e-mails in code and have conversations on the phone no louder than a whisper, all for fear that they would be outed and face discharge under DADT.

I had a somewhat different experience than many of our other LGBT comrades. I was open to my commanders, colleagues and eventually the nation. I was retained for nearly two years after coming out. I deployed with my unit and was promoted in position to serve as the Division’s Medical Liaison Officer in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was able to speak openly on the phone and I did not have to encode e-mails. I even had pictures of my boyfriend displayed in my living quarters and my office. I served my country with pride and respect to all of our service members regardless of gender, race or sexual orientation. I remember thinking how unfortunate it was that so many men and women who are willing to give their life for our country were denied the freedom I was given.

After appearing on 60 Minutes in December 2007 I was recommended for discharge by my commanders and left the Army in 2008 with an honorable discharge. I love my country and do not regret one day in uniform. I am confident that we will see the end of this unfair and discriminatory law that forces at least 66,000 men and women in the military to serve in silence.

The 14,000 service members who have been fired because of DADT could still be in uniform defending our nation. Time for repeal is long overdue and I have faith that our senators will do the right thing and repeal DADT during lame-duck session.

Serving our country is an honor, and I believe that any man or woman who is qualified, willing and capable to serve should be given that opportunity regardless of sexual orientation. Our society supports repeal, President Obama, Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen support it too. Now is not the time for delay. Now is the time for the Senate to act on repeal.

11-26-10 By Former Army Sergeant Darren Manzella |