Unseen Families This Holiday Season
Nothing sums up the longing to be home with loved ones at this time of year like “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Listening to its timeless words, one easily pictures a lonely GI dreaming of home - in the snows of the Ardennes; or on a tropical island in the Pacific; on a frozen hilltop in Korea; in a rice paddy in Vietnam; waiting in the Saudi desert; or on an Iraqi street or on a snowy Afghanistan mountain outpost; or upon a ship somewhere at sea. Never does the home front seem as far away as it does during the holidays.
With Christmas upon us, the 2010 holiday season is well underway. Whatever our creed, our ancestral culture, or the name of our holiday, we are all filled with visions of families gathering for bountiful feasts; loved ones huddles together around the hearth sharing laughter; our Uncle Wilbur or Aunt Sally regaling us with their latest adventure as our kids scurry around. Big meals, bad football, noisy families and roaring fireplaces - such is the typical picture of an American Yuletide. Damn you Norman Rockwell, Currier, and you too Ives! And don’t think we’ve forgotten Rankin and Bass or that guy Seuss either.
However, for some of us, Christmas will be a day spent in a lonely outpost wondering if there will be an attack tonight. If not a lonely outpost, then another duty station somewhere else on the globe where American heroes must serve, away from their families so that we at home can enjoy the day in peace. Between the roasted chestnuts and the figgy pudding, take a moment to give thanks that they are out there. Give thanks for their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families – even the ones that our government refuses to acknowledge.
Over time, the military as an institution and we as nation have come to understand that service and sacrifice is not only made by those who wear the uniform. Our loved ones also give of themselves, enduring the absences, the disruptions to routine, and living with the fear of that official visit from someone in a dress uniform. Accordingly, we place great emphasis on taking care of the families of our service members, creating the means for those deployed to keep in contact with the home front. We pay a lot of lip service to “taking care of our own” and speaking of the “military family.” Yet, the gay partner or lesbian wife is not welcome at the Family Support Center on base. What we really mean is we take care of our own as long as they are straight; as long as our “family” passes muster with fundamentalist religious dogma. Haven’t seen any gay families in the USO commercials have you?
Even with the joy of the recent victorious votes in the Senate and subsequent Presidential bill signing that has placed DADT on the path to historical oblivion, the fact is that DADT repeal will not be implemented in time for these invisible families to be truly celebrated as part of our larger military family this holiday season. Until open service is a reality, the military will continue to not recognize the sacrifices of the families of LGBT service members. Imagine being in Afghanistan or Iraq and not being able to send your spouse or partner an email saying you love them and miss them. It means standing by watching your comrades talk to their families, receiving succor and comfort that allows them to stay strong in the fight while you are denied the same. It means having to falsify names and use code in your private communication lest a career be jeopardized. Does making the isolation inherent in being deployed even more painful for LGBT troops, when we have the means to treat everyone alike, really uphold “American Values?” Is this how we treat American families, especially during the Holidays?
This Christmas, I, along with every American, got an early present. My country got a new birth of freedom. My Navy – the best in the world – can now become even better. But that means we still have work to do to obtain full open and equal service. Just as that bright star, two millennia and ten years ago, marked the destination of a great journey and heralded the promise of a new day, so too the promise of open service and the embrace of all our families and their sacrifices shines on the horizon. What I wish for this Christmas is that day comes soon.
Until we get there, I am once again grateful to live in a nation dedicated to freedom and liberty for all. Grateful that I have served alongside remarkable men and women in our efforts to end DADT and similar regulations based on ignorance and bigotry and move our country closer to the more perfect union we all deserve – a fight that goes on. Grateful that I had the privilege to serve as an officer in the United States Navy in the company of America’s best. And for those now serving, I am grateful for all of the sacrifices being made by you, my brothers- and sisters-in-arms and your families, every single one of them. My family will never forget you. God Bless Us Everyone!
12-25-10 By Paula Neira, RN, CEN, Esq., LT, USNR (1985-1991) |
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